


from my heart

by limitedskies



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 20:16:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12373248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limitedskies/pseuds/limitedskies
Summary: "corporal," eren breathes, always careful with his tone because this was humanity's most formidable he was talking to. levi had every tactic, technique and whim under his belt to eliminate almost everything, including eren in his human state, but then, this has always been them - two rocks on opposite ends of thin ice. if either of them were to move even one centimeter, what they have holding them up would break. eren would rather not take that risk and it seems clear that levi has no intent on budging. "i miss the rest."





	from my heart

**Author's Note:**

> repost from my [livejournal](https://rewind-remind.livejournal.com/34537.html). i had no idea what i was trying to write here tbh LOL but this happens after levi squad died

  
it's been a while that they've been alone like this.

 

two cups of strong bitter coffee close the distance between them as they sit across each other in the mess hall late at night. it's way past everyone's curfew, even the night guards that were on duty till midnight are nowhere to be seen. eren assumes it's probably a little over an hour or so till dawn breaks, glancing out at the window. he doesn't really like his coffee black, preferring to add milk and tons of sugar to it and levi states it's because his youthfulness doesn't understand the sincerity of the dark liquid.

 

eren breathes out, glances left and wonders why levi is glorifying the taste of something so pungent, sharp and astringent.

 

"corporal," eren breathes, always careful with his tone because this was humanity's most formidable he was talking to. levi had every tactic, technique, and whim under his belt to eliminate almost everything, including eren in his human state, but then, this has always been them - two rocks on opposite ends of thin ice. if either of them were to move even one centimeter, what they have that held them up would break. eren would rather not take that risk and it seems clear that levi has no intent on budging. "i miss the rest."

 

in the past when a similar situation occurred, either one of levi's squad members would be present. so by far, this is their most intimate moment - just basking in each other's presence as they grieved silently over the loss of their comrades. as they carefully thread on ice, reaching out to close the wide gap between themselves, eren wonders if that was too insensitive of him and holds his cup again. bringing it to his lips, he darts his eyes to anywhere but levi.

   
the moon shines in through the only window the mess hall has. it's tiny, pathetic and meaningless. levi shifts his gaze from the still scene outside to eren. the teen's laments are common - he hears adults say the same thing with uglier expressions to match. eren, thankfully, isn't sobbing recklessly. instead, the boy's eyes were cast down, dark circles gracing the outer rim of his eyes. his face is surprisingly thinner than levi had remembered.

 

he faintly remembers petra crying in that same chair as she apologizes to nobody for acting on her own and getting a subordinate killed in the process. apparently, that survey corp member had been her mentor before she became part of levi's squad. the corporal darts his eyes down to his drink, the steam still warm against his palm.

 

eren doesn't feel any particularly special to him. he is just, like the rest, a comrade to him and nothing more. just because the kid is humanity's hope against the titans doesn't exactly earn him a space in his heart. he is just another assignment he's been tasked by erwin, similarly to that time he had to personally train a few of the weakest survey corp members. in terms of reality, there is nothing that the kid can teach him other than the limit of his annoyance but sometimes, he feels something ignite in him.

 

he grips his cup harder.

 

he realizes how laughable this situation is. though experience may divide them, just like the table sitting between them, or the thin ice that was willing to crack, they were still humans. though eren's emotions can manifest him almost instantly, levi is sure that it is the same vast of emotions he feels inward.

 

even though eren is mostly put into a corner of blissful ignorance, levi is sometimes envious of the kid's young spirit. he wonders why is it when they were racing through the forest on their steads, he gets this rush of enthrallment that he's never felt for a long time?

 

"eren," he starts, gaze imposing as the soldier refuses to give his attention. he takes a sip at his coffee, then repeats again. this time, sternly. "eren."

 

the clouds gather around the moon, blocking out its faint light. the room grows dim.

 

"nobody likes losing people, eren." says levi, fingertips warm against the edge of his teacup as they share their last cup of coffee together. "but if losing my comrades was the equation to depression, then i've been depressed for nearly a decade."

 

eren remains silent for a long while and levi just gazes at him until the steam from his cup thins out.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

"were you sure about handing the custody of eren jaeger personally to corporal levi was a wise decision to make?" a member of the police brigade voices during their post-expedition meeting.

 

erwin nods, absolute and unpersuasive. "for every individualistic and reckless student, needs to come to an experienced and wise mentor. i believe levi has gone through the same hardships as jaeger and is capable of passing down his sentiments to the child."

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

levi stands up, coffee drained from his cup. it's just a few minutes away from sun breaking but levi retreats into the shadows of the hallways, parting with more than just a few words.

 

"eren, live happily while you still can. depression is more than just losing your colleagues." he opens the doors. "you'll only understand when you finally gain your identity as humanity's hope."

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 


End file.
